Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Found the puke drawer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
