when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
