She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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