with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
