let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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