Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
