Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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