I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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