it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
