I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
