areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
