my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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