Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
