If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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