are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize