dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
