Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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