Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize