the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
