hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
