i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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