Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
