So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
