I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
