shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize