I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
