PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am one with the molecules
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
