u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
