I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
