meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
