somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
