I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
