He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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