i just had sex bonerless
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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