Already got asked if we're dating
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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