Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
