So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
false alarm, still single
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
