update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
