I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
