Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize