I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
