I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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