But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
