My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
