Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
