So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
