I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
