It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
