I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
