...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
