Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
