ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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