Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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