Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
