so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
