dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
