dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
