Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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