I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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