i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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