then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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