Soap is not a condiment
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
