I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
