I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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