I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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