I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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