Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
