i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize