C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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