now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
