you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
