her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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