I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Rumble strips road head = magical
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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