If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
