I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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