if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
MIDGETS
????
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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