Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
