CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pooping to opera.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
