I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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