the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
worst night to have a conscience
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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