Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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