Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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