i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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