how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
