I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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