Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dick very happy bro
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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