I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
