i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
