what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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