I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
