like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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