I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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