He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
