The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
