Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
