I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
