im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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