i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
