she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
