after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
